To Truly Know Myself

          As I have been forced to live with myself for about seventeen years, one would think, that I would be pretty familiar with my beliefs, actions, urges etc. But that is not the case, and may never be. I believe that one can never truly know oneself, until the very end. Seeing as a person changes numerous time throughout a lifetime, it is only plausible to think that ones true self may remain hidden for quite some time. To know myself, is to know and fully understand my innermost thoughts and feelings.  It is to know my deepest desires, no matter how hard I try to hide them from myself and others. Not only is it to know, but also, to appreciate and as Saint Francis of Assisi once said “accept the things I cannot change.” Only then, when I attain this knowledge, will I be at ease with myself, and those around me.

          I have many weaknesses, and on the contrary many strengths.  As of this moment, I would have to say a weakness of mine would be my horrible time management, and procrastination issue. I tend to wait to the very last, possible minute to complete things that are important and need to be done, while pushing for time for more enjoyable things, such as hanging with friends. This problem can only get worse with time, especially with college coming up in the fall. Not only has it affected my sleep habits, but also my grades, which I regret wholeheartedly. As of late, becoming more aware of my bad habit, I have taken steps to defeat procrastination.  Sitting myself down, and resisting the urge of distractions I make myself focus, telling myself the whole time all of the wonderful things that I can be doing after my work is done. So far I have only been partly successful, (physical distractions morphing into daydreams) but nonetheless I do not give up easily. Rest assured this weakness will be defeated and cast away. The exact time and place that might occur, remains unknown.

         From my personal point of view, my greatest strength would be my ability to forgive and forget. I am not one to dwell on the past, and as long things are set right, a grudge will never exist. Making mistakes is a part of life, and having accepted this ideal, I am able to accept it in others. As God forgives our sins through confession, I am willing to forgive others for their wrongs, if only they, themselves realize as well. Yet, I can’t help but think that this could be my downfall as well, being so easily tricked or fooled.

        The difficulty with reflecting  on my strengths and weaknesses, was the fact that, as I was assessing myself, I thought up many more weaknesses, than strengths, therefore discouraging me from writing this and making an example of my above said weakness.  Maybe it was that I was afraid of myself; afraid of what I might find, underneath all the pretenses and walls that were put up. Maybe it was the fact that I had never before had to sit down and think about myself. I did not know, and still do not know, myself well enough to figure out all or most of my attributes, but digging through those barriers I have realized things about myself previously unknown. Overall: a positive experience.

Good and Evil

As far back in humanity’s culture as one can think, good has always triumphed evil, and has continuously been rewarded.  It is human nature to believe that a person who goes against the morals of society surely does not deserve any type of payment, prize or praise, like that of a hero. Seeing as I have been brought up this way, it is no surprise that I agree wholeheartedly with this ideal. Individuals who accomplish deeds that generally benefit society should be rewarded in some way, be it money or admiration. They donate there time, generosity and kindness, and if the outcome is a positive one, some type of compensation is only right and just. Examples such firefighters, or even comic book heroes such as Superman, corroborate this belief.                                                                  

On the other hand, we have evil. Evil acts, such as murder or burglary, or, on a lesser scale, cheating, anger us. The unfairness and the cruelty of these deeds give us just cause to punish those who commit them. Is it right that two people get the same result, while one worked harder and the other simply cheated? Or even that supposedly innocent people get killed? No it is not. Fairness is what it all comes down to. We are all created equal under God, and therefore should all be able to achieve the same things, in one way or another. Underhandedness is a way of cheating God’s system, and justice and retribution are the only consequences.                                                                                          For moral stability alone humans ought to act ethically. We need to support and assist one another in order for a society to function. Trust is what builds the civilization. Without that, we might as well be a society of barbaric animals.                                                                                     

The satan gave God a prime opportunity to test Jobs faith, and hurt this innocent man. There could have been any number of reasons as to what made God decide to punish Job. Maybe He was bored, maybe He was losing confidence in His people’s faith in Him, or maybe Job had simply been an easy target. I will not presume to know or try to understand what God, the almighty, thought at the time, because therefore, I could be God. I can only guess. Testing Job’s faith to alleviate his own fears about his people’s declining faith seems the most likely of the possibilities.                                                                                              

People have always thought that if you do good deeds, good deed will be done for you. Yet in the book of Job, this ideal is completely turned around, making us humans think. Why was this perfectly sound and sinless man targeted with God’s wrath? The answer will forever be unknown; we will have to accept the book of Job for what it is: something that we will never fully understand, and try to live our lives as well as can be.

My life as I wish I will live it

When I reach the end of my time here on earth there are many things that I would have liked to experience, such as sky diving, traveling to a far away country, or even meeting a celebrity. Yet the number one thing on my list that I would want to have before I die, always, would be a family. Be it a husband and kids, or just my own sister and brother, in the end all I want and need is a family. No matter how dysfunctional my family can be at times, when worse comes to worse they are the crutch that is always there, ready to let me lean on.  I feel like this is one of the most basic needs of humanity, right next to food, water and shelter. Being the social animals that we are we, we need other humans in our lives.  Families are the only people who feel genuinely for you, they are the only people who really care for you. Without that love in life, I don’t think humanity would last very long.

                Following family on my list of things I want to posses or experience when or before I reach the end of my life would be a job that I thoroughly enjoy doing. What that job might be, I’m not entirely sure yet.  If I’m unhappy going to work everyday, then that will be projected on others, and other situations. I want a job that not only provides a stable income, but one that I can look forward to waking up for every morning. A job like this is one that most people would dream of having. Some lucky individuals do posses this dream job, and this is valuable to humanity because these individuals are happy and are much more likely to complete their job well. Seeing as our governmental structure depends upon everyone working cohesively, when a person gets a job done well, then everybody benefits.

To travel the world would be also make my list. I would love to see and experience the many different cultures of the world, most specifically the Italian culture. Seeing as Italy is the birthplace of both of my grandparents, and the main nationality that I am, learning my history would be extremely beneficial to me. To see and experience other cultures would benefit humanity in many ways. Tolerance of different types of people and their cultures would become more prominent. The more educated people are about others, the less conflicts there would be.

Traveling provides tremendous opportunities for fun, adventure and discovery. When we visit places in other countries, we gain a better understanding of the people living there. We learn their cultures, history and background. We discover the similarities they have with us, as well as their differences from us. It is interesting to learn from people with diverse backgrounds. Not only do we increase our knowledge of the people, we also broaden our knowledge of the diverse animals and plants.

                I would absolutely love to experience the exhilaration and excitement of jumping out of an airplane, and freefalling down towards the earth.  Personally, I love anything that provides a thrill and adrenaline rush, and sky diving would be the ultimate thrill. Not only that, it would let me experience the beauty and the sense of freedom that sky diving would provide. Thoughts of floating through the clouds, and seeing over the horizon, and feeling free and unfettered, sounds intoxicating to me. How this would benefit humanity I’m not quite sure.  Some people most likely feel the same as I do about free falling. Passionately wanting a chance to participate in this thrilling experience. Others, no doubt are terrified of even the mention of it. As the saying goes, to each his own.

                Last on my list, but most certainly not least, I want to be happy. I want to be loved, healthy and happy.  It is as simple as that.  There is no doubt in my mind that every person on this planet aspires to obtain this simple idea, that of true happiness. I do not know if this can ever be truly acquired, seeing as soon as you seem to be happy, or as happy as one can get, something that would disrupt that elation occurs. It is dissolved and seems to take forever to be built up again, seemingly only to be brought down once more. True happiness would benefit humanity in every way possible.  Through jobs, relationships, and anything else that one could think of, if a person was happy, then life would be a much better place.

                No doubt there are many more things I would like to experience in the limited time that I have on this earth, but these five I would consider to be of the most importance. To have a family, to be happy, to have an enjoyable job, to travel the world and lastly to sky dive, I could only dream of attaining all of these.

Utnapishtim Replies

      This quote simply put, merely is meant to convey that our lives are not permanent, and everyone eventually will die one day. Be it soon, or 30 years from now, each person will meet there demise. We, as a species, only last around 100 years, maybe more if one is lucky; and as far we know there is no such thing as immortality though we strive to achieve this unachievable essence every day of our lives through various acts. We literally face death everyday and it is a wonder that some survive all the way through to adulthood.

        Surprisingly enough this little fact does not stop us in our pursuit to live. Every day people get up, go to work or school and participate in the greater good of bettering out society, with the notion that things will be better in the future. Or will they? Will some even live to see tomorrow? These questions can only be answered with time. The fact is we are afraid of death, afraid of the unknown. We therefore do what we have to do to survive even with the knowledge that death could occur at any moment. Known as the nature of man, humans have lived by this ideal since the beginning of our species.

        After Enkidu's death, Gilgamesh is slapped in the face with one big wake up call: that he, too, can and will die. Of course, being the two parts god that he is, he refuses to accept this and goes on his quest for immortality. Surprise, surprise Gilgamesh finds that immortality is unattainable. Nonetheless a lesson is learned, that of the age old saying: live your life to the fullest.

                The meaning of life is not something that can be simply put. It is a matter of perspective for each individual. For some poor souls, there is no meaning in life, and the will to live, like a fire burning inside ones heart, is snuffed. For others it is as hot as the sun. The meaning in life for one could be seen in a spouse or a friend, or perhaps the meaning in life is, plainly, to just live.

        Despite all the facts that clearly point to death as being the sole way out of this world, we continue to promote ideals that state otherwise. Religion is one of these. Most religions, if not all, believe in some sort of after life. Some variety of exception to death as being the end. Fame and success are another example of promoting eternal life. The name lives on in society, while the body dies. Take William Shakespeare for example. He has been gone from this world for quite some decades, and yet people still recognize him, and promote his literary works of genius, as if he were alive.

        Yes, it is true that we being on this earth is not permanent, nonetheless immortality cannot be considered illusory. Humans may not have figured out a true way to live forever and retain youth, but we have produced a way to cope with the impending death.  

The Hero

    Hero's and Heroine's have been a part of our culture for century's. In almost all forms of art are hero's, be they noticed or not.
     Beowulf, The Odyssey, and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, StarWars films, Raiders of the Lost Ark or The Lord of the Rings are just some of the many stories about Hero's. They are all alike yet different simultaneously. In all of these great works of fiction the hero discovers something about himself and throughout the story learns things about the world in general. They are called to a task, and eventually, while overcoming obstacles achieve that task.
        I would define a hero as somebody who would sacrifice something of importance to them, to help others in need. Be it a person, an event or even themselves, a hero would never look back on his or her decision to save another human beings life.
      Notice, though, how common the theme of there being no female heroine.Or one that we can notice firsthand. Traditionaly the role of the female is one that mainly focuses on home and child care, along with being a "good" wife. But as in the Star Wars films Princess Leia plays a major role of the hero. In these examples of hero's in fiction movies and books stated above, I believe the heroine is not directly mentioned and as played out as there male counterparts are. Seeing as this world we live in is mostly a male dominated world it is only logical that our art would express these views as well.
     I believe that the "hero conduct" could be defined as one where the person is generaly a kind and generous person. One who is not afraid to sacrifice something of importance to themselves to help the other in need. They do not show off there status in society nor their whatever ability's that they may posses. They are like a silent protector of humanity.
     We as a species created this ideal of the hero, I think, to basically make ourselves seem better than we are. We wanted to believe in something more, someone better than ourselves. A person that we could look up too and depend on. The hero serves as a silent warning to any that oppose the structure of society. It keeps civilization civilized and structure is kept. I do believe that we need the ideal hero in our lives. We need that image of someone that resembles us, that is not a god or some other entity, but does godlike deeds.
      Bertolt Brecht once said, "Unhappy the land that needs heroes."  I believe that what he is saying is that we are not ready yet as a whole people to survive without hero's. We have not matured fully yet; we have not grown up yet. As a small child is unhappy because of all the things he has yet to do, we as a society are unhappy. The hero, again, is like our support system.